you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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