Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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