Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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