Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
