**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She told me I should be a condom model.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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