I met the friendliest cop last night
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
there is puke in my bra ... again
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
