As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't turn off my feet"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He has the fingertips of a God
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