your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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