you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
