I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
