you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
