More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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