Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
