dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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