I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
