she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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