Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
They have beer where we have blood.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize