Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
