Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
