I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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