Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
