areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
