i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
