No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
