i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
