I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
