dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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