I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
bring money and cleavage
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
