i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
