I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize