Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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