I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
