I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
