So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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