You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
