Tell her she can't have a vagina
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
