I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
