if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
