"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
