he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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