I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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