I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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