You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Your penis caused this!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
