i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
