she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
