Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
