im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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