hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
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