Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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