how can u be prego again
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
