3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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