i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
