So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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