I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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