My nipple is on Facebook.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
