They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
