smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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