Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize