I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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