Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
