gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
