My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
