Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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