I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize