You left your underwear on the fireplace
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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