There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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