you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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