I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
