My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
