the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
