ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hippo gnu deer
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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